Review #131: Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

This review was originally written in October 2021.

October 2021 Horror Movie Review #17- Resident Evil: Afterlife

Ah, another Resident Evil film, another movie that cares so little about its characters. This one at least has the benefit of having a setting and story that are actually kind of interesting- I like the idea of a safe haven being broadcast that turns out to actually be a trap set by the people who created the zombies, and the prison is actually pretty cool of a location (even if it's absurd how many torches these people keep lit, I mean come on people, you're using like twenty times as many torches as you have people). But again, all of the characters are just generic-person-with-generic-wardrobe and I'm expected to not only tell them apart, but also care about them. The only character I cared remotely about was Chris Redfield (again, another holdover from the games but with no explanation of why he's here or what his place is in this story, he's just... there) and the only reason I cared about him was because he was the only one that took the situation as seriously as I thought they all should be. He didn't showboat, he didn't play everything really big, he felt like a real person just from his very presence.

Remember how yesterday, I made a joke about how I doubted they would deliver on the premise of an army of superhuman Alice clones? Yeah, guess what- they didn't. They killed all of them off, in a ten-minute sequence that looked so much like the Matrix I wouldn't have been surprised if the Wachowskis brought legal action. The whole opening sequence of this movie is so over-the-top, so ridiculously cheesy, and so completely nonsense I thought for a moment that this film had rolled over the limit for absurdity and maybe it might have become so-bad-it's-good; but it went back to being a below-average-tier normal movie right after. Taking away Alice's powers was the first sensible thing this writer has done, in four movies, but the film just can't seem to remember what sort of superhuman feats were the result of the T-Virus and which ones were just plain ol' Hollywood Action Movie Magic. So she can't regenerate I guess, but she can still do mid-air flip-kicks, and she can survive a head-on plane crash (that somehow still killed Wesker, who was still a superhuman)? Okay I guess.

But going back to the topic of flat, unremarkable and indistinguishable characters (which really should be the catch phrase of my reviews of this film series), this movie ended with a mid-credits stinger where some generic-looking blonde woman was directing a group of Umbrella soldiers to go capture Chris, Claire, and Alice. It was delivered in such a way that it REALLY seemed like I was supposed to recognize this woman (again, mid-credits stinger), but I just had no recollection whatsoever. After doing some digging on IMDB, it turns out that character was supposed to be Jill Valentine (the character from two films ago who spent the entire movie getting overshadowed by Fanfic-OC-Please-Don't-Steal Mary Sue Alice), but the combination of the actress' wardrobe being completely unremarkable, her hair color being completely different (both from her previous appearance, and from the character she's based on), and from all of the series' actresses having basically the same body type, hairstyle, and facial symmetry made me completely oblivious as to what this scene was trying to show me. I watched that movie two days ago and didn't realize who I was looking at until I looked her up on IMDB- nevermind if it had been six years since I saw that mess of a film. The lesson here: If you want your mid-credits stinger to be significant, maybe say who the character is, or use a more distinct character than "skinny blonde woman #8", especially when the character in question was never previously blonde?

Anyway, this movie was still kind of a mess, but a little bit less of a mess than the last one. Obviously that's not saying much.

Oh, and apparently this movie was meant to be shown in 3D! I wouldn't have guessed, if it weren't for the 3,171,600 instances of something being thrown or fired directly at the camera.

Overall Rating: 4/10 Dogs With Mouths Where Mouths Should Not Be

Prediction For Next Film: I bet the confrontation between Umbrella and the huge group of refugees teased at the end of the film simply will not happen or be referenced. Any takers?