Review #213: Arachnophobia (1980)

This review was originally written on July 18th, 2022.

Gabe's 100 Bucket List Horror Films Review #68: Arachnophobia (1980)

I believe it was Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said, "We have nothing to fear, but spiders". The fact that this was broadcast to the world during an American president's inaugural speech should show how important and indisputable it is.

This film starts with a scientific expedition to a recently-unearthed canyon in Venezuela, to photograph and catalogue the creatures found there. When the bumbling photographer is killed by a particularly deadly new species of spider, it secretly hitches a ride with his corpse back to Small Town, USA where it causes serious problems for the arachnophobic doctor who's just moved in.

First things first, I should say: I am deathly afraid of spiders. I can't say for certain, but this film MIGHT be partly responsible for that. I hadn't seen it before today- at least, not all the way through- but I remember my parents renting it on VHS when I was very young, and I remember catching glimpses of certain scenes (though I guarantee I was sent out of the room because it would definitely have been deemed "too scary" for me at the time). Today, throughout my entire watch of this film, any time a spider was on screen I was making audible sounds either in fright, or shouting warnings to the characters on-screen. That's how scared I am of spiders.

That being said...

I'll be honest, I think this is as good as a movie about spiders can be. The characters are all realistic and believable, the performances are all great, the story constantly sets up and pays off great details and bits of worldbuilding, and between the moments of absolute fear I was laughing my head off at some of the little gags and fun moments they put in here. (I will never get sick of the jaunty, jazzy tune that heralds John Goodman's exterminator character arriving in a scene. It's silly and absurd, but man does it break up the tension when the movie really needs some comic relief!) And the scary moments, are SCARY. I cannot tell you how many times I felt spiders crawling on my arms and legs just because I saw a spider drop down from a lamp or crawl out of a sink during this movie, and the visceral fear I felt every second during the rising action and climax sections of the film was 100% real. I loved the effects in this movie- yes there were a couple times when the spider was clearly just a rubber prop someone offscreen threw at one of the actors, and yes I loved it every time- and it's such a shame to know that if this movie were made today, instead of the myriad scenes where real spiders are scuttling across the screen, there would just be a bunch of actors reacting to imaginary CGI bugs instead. But when this movie was made, it was (almost) all real!

Again, I think this is the platonic ideal of a spider-based horror movie. Not too big, not too small, just scary enough, and 100% believable from beginning to end. If you haven't seen this movie, you should watch it, even if you hate spiders. Who knows? It might be cathartic for you (as I presume it will be for me once I stop feeling imaginary spiders crawling all over my skin).

Overall Rating: 10/10 Chekhov's Nail Guns

Fun Coincidence: Completely unintentionally, the day I watched this (July 18th) was the anniversary of this film's release in 1990!